Loading...

Thursday, February 9, 2012

"FRUSTRATED!"

    I know it has been a long time since I last wrote to you all, and I apologize.  I have taken a few steps back in the way I have been feeling.  As you know, with Lyme Disease this does not necessarily  mean that this is a bad thing.  I cannot believe it has almost been one year of PICC lines and Bicillin injections, two different oral antibiotics and two holistic antibiotics.  I have to say I am completely physically depleted.  I am starting to get angry at my body for not getting better!  I get so frustrated.  Then I go to scared and then depressed.  I get depressed because I really miss "special" moments with my son and husband.  Example:  Last evening it is 7:00 PM, I am in bed and in to much pain to get up.  This I can handle.  What made me sad (and happy at the same time), was hearing my son and husband laughing and playing  and as badly as I want to jump up and be part of it all, I only feel the hot tears streaming from my eyes.  Then I wanted to ask God, "Why God why?", "When God when".  I then remembered something I had heard from a very wise women.  I realized I was asking the wrong questions.  God does not need to answer me, because frankly it is none of my business.  Instead of "When will it get better for me?", "Why me?", I should be just asking God for strength and TRUSTING him and knowing he will not give me more then I can handle.  This is all happening for a reason, and I will come out stronger, with more gratitude, and in a position to realize what my "Life Purpose" is.  I should read my own blog with the title, "SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE".  Soooooooo, for now is my struggle. XO~

4 comments:

  1. Thank you so much, strong lady, for sharing your thoughts. Erik and Bruce are lucky to have you, even if you are not in the same room. They know deeply in their hearts that you love them and would be with them physically if you could. Knowing that you are in the other room helps them be able to spend time together feeling good. Take care, my dear one. Love, Aunt Cheryl

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, and I love you for all your lovely and encouraging words. Most of all though just for being a wonderful aunt! XO.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry that not only are you sick you are feeling so down. I know how that feels and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I love you.

    ReplyDelete