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Thursday, March 10, 2011

WALKING INTO THE FIRE~


    How is it possible to be this sick?  I am always afraid to go to the docters appointment that will review my latest blood work.  This time was very strange.  I was the one who requested that on top of all the other tests I wanted a Lyme test also.  My docter who I adore, and of coarse had my previous blood work looked at me like, "Are you serious? Why?".  It has been very odd.  After all I have been through, and all that I know about Lyme Disease, I was in this stage of denile.  I thought that mabey I did not have Lyme any longer, it was all in my head and I just needed to push myself harder.  Well, how wrong I was.  When I heard and saw the test results, I felt all the hope blow out of me.  This is not the average Lyme test either!  This test is only done by a lab called; IGENEX, Inc. in Palo Alto, CA.  As explained, the lab tested me for the 10 strains of Lyme Disease.  Well, not only do I have Lyme, I have ALL 10 strains!  Three strains are the most dangerous, and I have them the worst!!!! What? How is this possible? I felt like a falure.  I actually told my docter that I cannot be this sick because I have a little boy and a husband to take care of.  I also told him how dissapponted I was in myself because latley I could only take a shower and then I am done for the day.  Why can I not push through it anymore?  He said,"Katie,you are a human being.  You have nothing to use to push yourself with." Kind of like," You can't get blood from a stone."  I am now realizing that I have to do what I am so scard and tired of.  PIC LINE and ROSEPHEN we will meet again.  This is the fifth time.  I do not want to miss anymore of my life (during this time).  Then I think to myself,"this is no way to live life."  So I will do what I have to do.  So into the fire I walk.