The Guilt I feel for missing birthday parties, sight seeing trips, movies, and even if you can believe, "Mc Donalds Night", almost tosses me over the edge. I HATE the fact that when my Lyme Disease is in a bad mood, and I am in so much pain that the tears running down my face feel like shards of glass ( usually with no notice at all), I miss these "Life Moments". When I see some parents that are healthy make a conscious choice to miss these times. These are some of the things I have heard with my own ears. I'm not going because; "I am too tired", "I have to go grocery shopping", "I have to do the wash", and the worst of all is; "I just don't feel like going". WHAT???? Our children are at an age where they want us to join them in these activites. Don't they know that this is a very small window of time? Soon they will want to do almost everything by themselves or with their friends. Going with mommy and or daddy won't be "cool". I would give years off my life not to miss any of these moments with my son. I am always afraid he won't trust that his mother is a dependable person. I cannot think of anything worse. I am so afraid to let him down that I am afraid to make any fun plans at all. I am angry at being at the whim of Chronic Lyme Disease. I can never get that time with my child back. Because of this I am willing for the sixth time have a PIC line put in for the next six months. I know it has to get worse before it get's better. The strange thing with Lyme Disease is the worse it gets, the better your chance of getting a "remission" is. So please, anyone who is a mostly"healthy" parent, don't worry about the wash or the cleaning, you will get it done. Most of all, push yourselves a little harder to do as much with your children as possible. You have no idea how very blessed you are. I will admit, I am envious.
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